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Why does it have to hurt so much?

It was a fine day altogether. My brother and I went to visit our parents and the day was full of food and talking and joy and fun....... and snow. UGH! We've got a shitload of that white stuff now - more than in the last three winters together. Some spring. And the way to our parents looked like this (they moved into a summer house in the mountains and out of the city years ago):





Quite amusing with summer tyres, I must say........ Anyway, during a certain moment in the afternoon my mother said: "Oh, we collected all of our pictures together. They were scattered all over the place. Now you've got them all in a few albums, to have some memories after we pass away." It hit me right in the heart, but I didn't feel like saying anything. I guess "not in my best of shoes" still somehow lingers around me.
I took a load of those really, really old pictures home with me, because I decided to scan and save them. And I guess I just wasn't really prepared for all those pictures. And all memories, hopes, expectations, disappointments, desires, rejections and who-knows-what just flushed me away. I started crying and it took me a while 'till I gathered my emotions and brain together. Don't know really what happened, but it was way too strong. And here are some old, long forgotten, yet painfully fresh images.


1971 or 1972... I am the small one. I love this picture.


My beautiful mother way before Robert or Tomaz appeared...


This might probably be my earliest picture... mid 1970.


Just adore the hairstyle... my father in 1960.


Robert... probably 1967 or 1968.


My 2nd birthday - 24 may 1972. I proudly noticed some resemblance with Calvin. :)))))
 

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( 69 comments — Leave a comment )
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jawnbc
Mar. 23rd, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
How lovely!
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:13 pm (UTC)
it is lovely yes, even though a bit painful. :)
snowboardjoe
Mar. 23rd, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
Love the snow!! Just sayin'... :p

I envy you and your family for saving all of those photos. That's a lot of history to take home and review. The comment your mom said about passing away, is that what got to you?
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
Yes, that was it. And some other things; two of my colleagues lost one of their parents in the last few months and it also got me thinking. I haven't lost anyone really close to me, so I just don't know how and if at all I might handle something like this. If a bunch of pictures makes me cry, I guess I am in for some rather tough time.
inbhirnis
Mar. 23rd, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
Awww - they're great pics!

I should look to see if I have any old pics of me here - I think they're mainly back in Scotland, though. It would be fun for all of us to do a little reminiscence like you have.

I do have this one, though:




(December 2, 1964 - I'm about 10 months old)
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:16 pm (UTC)
Yes, old pictures can be fun. I guess today I just might browse this collection again. To immerse myself in time. :)
use2bshy
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Its hard to think about the parents passing but it happens. I think its great to have those memory books for many reasons. Lets hope they are around for quite a while yet to come to make more memories
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:17 pm (UTC)
It's a terrible thought, yes. I guess it all just got me while standing on the wrong foot. Usually I am not like this. :)
dendren
Mar. 24th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
love the pictures... I think photographs of the old are one of my favorite and most treasured things. I know it's hard thinking of a time when your parents will no longer be here but good for them for having the love and foresight to give you these to enjoy now. Very very nice pics really and I see the Calvin resemblance too ;)
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:19 pm (UTC)
I need to focus on NOW and I need to do it way more often as I've been doing it in the past few years. Guess it was also my bad conscience that got me rather moody... Oh well! :)

Yes, it deffo is Calvin-like. Given my face and restless hands I was probably screaming: "Why pictures now??? I WANT MY CAKE!!!" :)

Hugs, P!
macduff131
Mar. 24th, 2008 03:14 am (UTC)
you're my li'l calvin!

i had my own scare recently. i know what you mean. *hug*
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:20 pm (UTC)
And today is another day and I feel better. Still. :)

*hugs* back... many of them!
(Deleted comment)
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:22 pm (UTC)
Well... I was dealing with emotions and you were dealing with... senses. :)))))

No, honestly, Marco, you are one great person!
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coloradofather
Mar. 24th, 2008 11:56 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed the pictures... I have similar somewhere, maybe i will even post them... there are some cute family pictures somewhere, I know... :-)! And yes, it hurts, but it's also so wonderful to have a picture and see what emotions and memories it stirs... Ciao!
paterson_si
Mar. 24th, 2008 12:24 pm (UTC)
It hurts, but it also makes you appreciate moments you might have overlooked otherwise.

Ahh.... memories.
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johnnytobicoke
Mar. 25th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
Thank you very much for sharing. This entry is truly beautiful.
paterson_si
Mar. 25th, 2008 07:05 am (UTC)
thanks! I am happy you appreciated it. It was very emotionally exhausting, I must say.

*hugs*
vksi
Mar. 25th, 2008 08:27 am (UTC)
Beautiful post. Created by nice person. Drzi se.
paterson_si
Mar. 25th, 2008 10:32 am (UTC)
se bom potrudil.

hvala :)
(Anonymous)
Mar. 27th, 2008 01:18 am (UTC)
Old photographs
Tomaz,

What great photographs! Nothing better by which to remember your childhood! Thanks for sharing.

Your friend in Seattle!
paterson_si
Mar. 27th, 2008 07:07 am (UTC)
Re: Old photographs
And today... I can even look at them without bitter/sweet feelings. :)

Thanks!
ubermunkey
May. 18th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
really really moving and amazing thank you for linking me to these

cheers
Connor
paterson_si
May. 18th, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
It was painfully strong back then and I think I am still not completely comfortable with it.

hugs

T
kev_bot
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:52 pm (UTC)
Awwww, so cute! Look at you being all tiny!!!
paterson_si
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Yes..... how things have changed....... :)
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tilia_tomentosa
Sep. 19th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
Cute, cute, cute!
Funny, I'm just about to have some old BW photos of me (At 15 years old, with my sister as a baby) scanned for someone else.
I like guys who allow themselves to have EMOTIONS. Help, I'm about to fall in love with a gay man, LOL! I'm laughing, but I'm serious about the emotions.

paterson_si
Sep. 19th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
Yes.... it was a very emotinal thing altogether. And I am completely comfortable with all sorts of emotions; whether they're mine or somebody else's. I think people should not push away/hide/let alone ignore how they fell. :)

So... emotions ROCK! :)
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leafshimmer
Dec. 3rd, 2009 09:35 pm (UTC)
Wow, thanks for sharing these. I had almost the exact same shirt and haircut at age 2...

Your parents are very handsome people. Now I see where your looks come from!
paterson_si
Dec. 3rd, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
This post always makes me sad. Passing of time is so terrible cruel.
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