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Not in my best of shoes today

It's funny how some things just seem to creep in when you least expect them to. And it's not such a big deal anyway, but I am still not all comfortable with myself for the past few days. It hit me while listening to the radio as Igor and I were going to Graz (to get some nespresso capsules) and then further on to easy afternoon/evening in the spa (with the cute, young thing on my finger included).

There was an interview with a guy who is flight controller. And he was explaining that they are accepting only people who are in their early 20's.
He said: "After 30, human body and mind are no longer capable handling the stress of the job. And what those young people achieve in their career by the time they're 30, that's what they have. Later on it's just experience. Older controllers never achieve anything significant".

I am 37 and still feel like I am functioning.

But then the roller coaster went off....... 

I gave up hopes for the only job that would've probably made my working years seem a dream years ago. But it's still somewhere deep within. And what I do now - even though I do enjoy it - is just a compromise. It's just work.
And when I go out dancing or when I am playing badminton or doing some other sports, it becomes abundantly clear that it is experience that does a lot of work, body doesn't seem to cooperate that well anymore. And I am 37, goddamit.
I am not really good with my money and sometimes - especially at 37 - it can become tiring. But... that's very likely not to change. Luckily, my job does bring me decent money.
And I will never be 25 again and my cards won't be laid in front of me on the table. Never again.

I know it sounds boring and I know I will lick myself out if it in a couple of days, but it's here now. All around me.

So, my life philosophy remains the same: Do all you can to enjoy life. There are no reexaminations. And I don't want to see many unticked boxes when it's "ciao bello" time.

This is probably too long and too boring to read, but I had to spit it out. Guess that's my LJ rain check I took a while ago.

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Comments

( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
amznbert
Mar. 4th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)
wow i have never heard of that much crap in my life..the human body is way capable of handling huge amounts of stress no matter what age you are. To give up on dreams and hopes because of a person(s) opinions is just sad. If people thought like this all the time then there would be no one going back to school after the age of 30..ohh lets see some would say being a political leader is stressful ohh wait you cant be untill after your 30 here in the US..well no wonder there are so many screw ups then huh?
paterson_si
Mar. 4th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
I know (I hope) it's a bunch of nonsense, but it kinda hit me anyway. :)

And yes... screwups happen.
cornekopia
Mar. 4th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel. On the one hand, 50 is the new 30. On the other hand, trust no one over 28.

The only comfort is that at 43 I'm finally starting to forget what 18 even felt like. Yay amnesia!
paterson_si
Mar. 4th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
that'a a very positive way to look at it. need to work on that a bit more :))))
use2bshy
Mar. 4th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
lets hope the next day or so pass quickly
paterson_si
Mar. 5th, 2008 07:15 am (UTC)
oh, so do I, trust me :)

*hugs back*
jawnbc
Mar. 5th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
Life is all about compromises if one wishes to be an adult. Balance between a livelihood and passions. Ensuring one has the resources one needs to pursue the meaning in it all.

My career the last 15 years has been a compromise. It came out of hating a decade-long career. I love teaching, enjoy (some) writing, and all things considered it's fine.

My energies are in my relationships.

Examine your soul and made some decisions. You're educated, in a great country with a great man as a partner. You have choices.

And you are loved!
jawnbc
Mar. 5th, 2008 04:38 am (UTC)
And I started my PhD at 35...and finished it at 38. Faster than most 28 year olds.

So fuck that asshat!
(no subject) - paterson_si - Mar. 5th, 2008 07:19 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - paterson_si - Mar. 5th, 2008 07:18 am (UTC) - Expand
coryblank
Mar. 5th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
I appreciate your life philosophy, Tomaz.
paterson_si
Mar. 5th, 2008 07:19 am (UTC)
it works at times :)
mitjablazic
Mar. 8th, 2008 01:31 pm (UTC)
o... o... it's crisis time ... I am 33 and I am having some moments like that. Thinking about what I had achieved and where am I regarding my dreams. I think those dark and critical thoughts (if not exaggerated) combined with fears help us getting the picture, to gather our energies and strength to focus on realizing our dreams. As you have noticed I pretty changed my lifestyle in the last year, and I am keeping changing it. “Do all you can to enjoy life.” seems the right thing to do. So keep reflecting on your life.
paterson_si
Mar. 9th, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
ok ok ok

so I'll just focus on the essentials :)

*hugs*
jeremymlad
Mar. 8th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC)
That's crap. People are as useful and as competent as they TRY to be, and that dude's thinking is going to limit him throughout his life. He'll find himself over 30 in the near future, and he'll be the only one responsible for what he can and cannot do.

You have three major things going for you that will always keep you relevant - 1. being gay gives you a different perspective on life, however slight, from the rest of the world. You and me, I think we're predisposed to out-of-the-box thinking, and ordinary people *have* to value that because they can't really do it. 2. You're Slovene, so you're automatically magic. And 3. You have the eye of an artist, as evidenced by your magnificent photography - that's something you will carry through your whole life, unless you yourself decide to discard it.

What a shortsighted person who doesn't know how to use words. How dare he say something like that where decent people can hear! What a bedak who speaks bedarija!

Edited at 2008-03-08 05:26 pm (UTC)
paterson_si
Mar. 9th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
I know all that.... and I am really thankful for your words.... but it still hit me

and luckily it's all over now :)

*kiss*
tkn1114
Jan. 10th, 2010 11:50 pm (UTC)
a note for you whom I love
you're lucky there are sensible people here who care enough to set you straight. So I DON'T HAVE TO! *SLAP*

But I will... LOL

That air controller is a good example of why people are often "boxed in" in Europe while many - but, granted, not all - people in America are not.

AGE IS NOTHING BUT A MENTAL BOX. Enough said.

I command you to find the time to return to and nurture your dreams, and make some of them come true, if not all of them.

Routine is dead life. Safe life is fear of life.

I have always been lucky to do what I want to do. But that has not always come without a price. Still I forge on. Quitting is not an option. Stop dreaming is dying inside. NO WAY.

I have taken time off to study theatre/playwriting. I've completed my degree. Now, on to production. But, in the process, I discovered filmmaking which can be extremely useful for my ishop and design work = I can film my collections and post them in my ishop => I don't have to do physical shows anymore if I don't want to! YES! That is progress.

At 50:
. I'm launching my ishop
. I'm working on premiering one of my plays
. I'm re-shooting a short film I did in class professionally to submit to festivals
. It takes me longer to warm up at the gym. But once I'm warmed up = get out of my way!

O, not only is it not anywhere near over, baby, it's only beginning!

So there!

You draw beautifully. You copied Matisse like a Chinese pro LOL Do something original so we can sell on my ishop?
You have a great eye for aesthetics. This gift screams out of your photographs and whatever artwork you've shown. Do something with all of this!

There is a lot of gift in you, Tomaz.

You can sit and waste it away, or you can do something with it. It's up to you.

But age has never been and never will be an excuse. NO.

XO

paterson_si
Jan. 12th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
Re: a note for you whom I love
Ok, I have to agree that the day I posted this was probably cause by a very strange combination of mood/constellation/work/you name it. I am not usually like that. Generally, I really like and enjoy my life. I try to live it to the full and to the max, given some rather objective circumstances, of course. And I don't really care about my age. I feel comfortable in my own skin and that's about it.

Talent and expressing and all. I guess I always felt that urge to create something. And I'll keep on doing it. Probably even take it to some more intense level, because my life is good now, meaning I don't have to worry about any extra affairs, like work, colleagues, money, things like that.

And I will be more original, promise. :)

And NO, age is never an excuse, but since I am a very typical Gemini, it seems to be a shelter for some rainy days. That's how it is. :)
Re: a note for you whom I love - tkn1114 - Jan. 13th, 2010 08:02 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: a note for you whom I love - paterson_si - Jan. 14th, 2010 12:13 am (UTC) - Expand
perspective, part 1 - tkn1114 - Jan. 14th, 2010 04:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - paterson_si - Jan. 14th, 2010 12:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - tkn1114 - Jan. 14th, 2010 07:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - paterson_si - Jan. 14th, 2010 11:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - tkn1114 - Jan. 15th, 2010 04:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - paterson_si - Jan. 15th, 2010 12:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - tkn1114 - Jan. 15th, 2010 05:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - paterson_si - Jan. 16th, 2010 01:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - tkn1114 - Jan. 16th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 1 - paterson_si - Jan. 18th, 2010 12:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
perspective, part 2 - tkn1114 - Jan. 14th, 2010 04:28 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - paterson_si - Jan. 14th, 2010 12:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - tkn1114 - Jan. 14th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - paterson_si - Jan. 14th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - tkn1114 - Jan. 15th, 2010 04:45 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - paterson_si - Jan. 15th, 2010 12:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: perspective, part 2 - tkn1114 - Jan. 15th, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 37 comments — Leave a comment )